For the special launch of our new site Happy Valley Crafters, I decided not to break a bottle of champagne across the bow of my laptop, but instead schlepped my way to Provo, Utah, capital of Utah County and spawning ground of The Osmonds. I had my camera in hand, natch, and was feeling a little bit Private Eye. (Weird tangent: I want to become a private investigator! Yes, I am serious! I have an ‘in.’ I know a guy who knows a guy!)
Stay with me, people.
So there I was, in Provo, thinking about how I was going to score the best photos for HVC. Something quirky. Something funny. Something that you would only find in Utah County. For awhile I thought about herding a bunch of Utah County Ladies to get a great butt shot of all their blinged-out white-stitched Buckle jean rears, butt that oddly did not seem practical. Also, I did not have free smoothies to bribe them with. Instead I found myself drawn to the Utah crafter mothership: The Quilted Bear.
Now, I have a serious fondness for the Quilted Bear. And I support local artists who make things and sell them for diddly. These people rawk! I am totally going to contact some of them and interview them and spotlight them and not make them at all feel uncomfortable! And now having said that, there is some real crazy shiz at the Quilted Bear.
Behold! LITTLE LADY LINGERIE.
WTF?
Okay, I get that some people want to harken back to an innocent time of boudoirs and children in silky sleepwear, but come on!
The entire booth of Little Lady Lingerie
I also understand the temptation of naming your store alliteratively. For example: for awhile I was considering calling myself The Cotton Confabulating Consort, but it was too much of a mouthful.
You will note that the right side of the booth has a rack (‘has a rack’ hahaha!) full of lingerie for sizes Luvs Size 4 to Still-Bed-Wetting.
Utah boudoir for the little ladiez.
But if you seductively cast your eyes leftward you will see a rack full of larger (tallish? more mature?) lingerie.
Utah boudoir for the larger ladiez.
I mean, these are not little! These would fit me! Or a teenage girl! Is that the point?! Creeeepy.
Oh Mister Floozy! Step into my chambers! I have a surprise for you!
And you know what makes all of this so perfect? Little Lady Lingerie even has custom doll lingerie. For your doll. For you to dress your doll in to match your own lingerie. That you are wearing. When you climb into bed. At night. In lingerie. With your doll.
Shall I call you, 'Daddy?' or 'Pa?
I think I just wet myself.
That means you need to opt from the right side of the booth.
Oh MY! Wow, that last little bit was GOOD. Excellent post to the FLOOZ!
I like being called the Flooz. It’s just that much closer to being called the Fonz.
What would possess someone to market what are clearly nightgowns as lingerie… for fucking toddlers and little girls?! Children have no business even hearing that word. If they do, all they should associate it with is “grown-up stuff” that should make them wrinkle their noses and say “ewwwww!” I mean, I have a dirty mind but that is always in the context of an *adult* conversation. I really despise our society for forcing little girls to grow up in a hyper-sexualized world.
Sorry, that was a bit of a rant for something just odd and creepy. Seriously, though, they’re just frilly nightgowns. WTF indeed.
Oh yes. Creepy indeed. And especially creepy considering that there are child brides in Utah. Myself having been one. But my ‘special night’ doll didn’t match. Soooooo . . . . yeaaaah.
And I just wanted to add, that I found your outrage refreshing, Sally.
Thanks. But you weren’t really a child bride… more like an old teenager, right? That’s at least slightly better…
Thanks for commenting on my post…back at ya! This is funny! You should write for your vocation or avocation! I suppose all the toddlers with tiaras need these!
I love your site, Gloria! And you are so spot on about the Toddler & Tiaras!
I wouldn’t consider that lingerie. I have always loved nightgowns like that even when I was little, and they made me feel like a princess.