Try Roasting a Rib This Way

Let’s play a game: find 5 bizarre things in this vintage newspaper cooking tip! My notes are below once you’ve picked some out or if you’re feeling lazy.

Let’s start with the photo, then dig into the meat of the article (do you see what I did there?).

1. There are 3 doors visible on this oven and 3 more that are implied on the bottom. You know, with which the average homemaker would use to bake, broil, braise, bain-marie, baste and burn in style.
2. You noticed “achieve tenderness and avoid shrinkage” too, right?
3. The verb “repose;” specifically its fancy use next to “roast” as a subject. AND the proper grammar (“an oven rack on which the roast reposes” instead of “an oven rack which the roast reposes on“). In modern times, this is how I, as a fancy cooking-tip writer, would put the whole sentence: “Should your crappy-ass gas range that came with the house (which you’ve been too cheap to replace just yet) have a special type of drawer at the bottom—where you find it convenient to keep your pans and secret chocolate stash, which you should remove BEFORE turning anything on—congratulations, you have a broiler. It’s passé, but can still be useful if you are in the mood to upcycle a cheap hunk of meat before it fully spoils. To use, place the meat on the original wire rack that hopefully you can still find, and be sure to place a cheap, rusty pan underneath to catch the drippings while you repose with a glass or two of wine during which time the roast will burn and you will end up ordering pizza for dinner. Voilá!”
4. COVERS ARE THE DEVIL
5. Is it just me, or is that rib the same size as the one that tips over Fred Flintstone’s car during the opening sequence?

And a bizarre bonus: the headline. “Try Roasting a Rib This Way” just sounds like a phrase with many applications. At the very least, it could be a passive-aggressive one-upmanship. For example, let’s that that you’re at a social gathering and people are complimenting your frenemy’s cooking. She’s gloating in the attention and says something that makes everyone’s eyes roll back into their skull, like “Oh, it’s just a simple trick involving blanched grapes and sautéed clam whiskers that I had air-lifted in from Tasmania…” Well, you just give a little huff at the right moment and say “Try roasting a rib that way,” and the other people will laugh, successfully diverting their attention to your cleverness and away from that incorrigible hoeface. Try it, and let me know how it goes.

I’d also like to know what else you may have found amusing in this little gem from 1937, recovered from obscurity in the local newspaper archives.

Thanks for playing!