Dear Utah Valley,
I grew up in Ohio and have lived here for 6 years now. I love the climate and the astounding natural beauty that exists everywhere (except where it’s ruined by humanity along the I-15 corridor). It even brings me comfort now to look out into the valley at all the houses painted the same shade of taupe and all the churches built from the same blueprints. The people here are generally nice, unless they’re driving, and I’ve made some seriously awesome friends out here. I can honestly say that it’s a nice place to live.
But oh, Utah Valley, though I’ve grown accustomed to your quirks, you can still baffle me on most days. I find your lack of coffee shops astounding and am still huffily inconvenienced that most stores are closed on Sunday. I wish I didn’t have to feel like a skeezy “other” when I wear a sleeveless shirt or sit on my porch drinking fine wine from a box that had to be purchased from a state-run liquor store. And I wonder what the real story is behind local oddities such as this:
Did a manager at this Walmart in Springville have reason to believe that his or her customers really didn’t know that Budweiser and Bud Light were alcoholic beverages? If this sign were anywhere else in the world, I would assume it was a joke about the low alcohol content. But no, not here.
While weaker people might move back to their crazy liberal home states (like Ohio) when faced with your interesting societal challenges, Utah Valley, I am strong and I am stubborn. I will take my emotional reactions and I will DO something. Something daring, something reasonable… maybe even therapeutic. Like cross stitch. I call it art.
You may call it Dame Toadstool’s Dystopian Pig-Flavored Aestheticism.
Sincerely,
Dame Toadstool
Love this post!
I want to see that cross-stitch done in bacon sinew next time, Toadstool. None of this sissy cotton thread stuff.
And I think the answer to your question about what the real story is… is that people are dumb. The end.