What Are We DOING? Volatile Volsican shares 6 projects.

Posted on September 21, 2011 by Volatile Volscian

what are we DOING?

This will be a series! Unless I get distracted! Hopefully, doing this as a series will help me remember all the things I’m working on. And maybe you’ll find it interesting. Whatever.

Some of these projects will be on the table for a loooong time, so hold onto your hopefully fabulous vintage hats and get ready for this.

These are the projects I have going on right now:

  1. A comic that I started in March. Drawing is hard! I only did 2.5 pages before it got buried under a pile of papers and guilt. But I intend to continue working on it someday.
    comic in progress
  2. Tablet weaving book. I draft a lot of tablet weaving patterns, and apparently other people can’t, and they’ve asked me to publish them. Now I’m nearly at a point where I should send it off to my friend/editor (Dame Toadstool!) for a second draft reading.  I think there are a few more words I need to put in there.
    tablet weaving book in progress
  3. From my mending pile, I have a medieval chemise.
    chemise of sordid history
     This one has a sordid history of being messed up. It’s one of the first medieval pieces I made, in order to check one of the first rectilinear patterns I drafted. When I finished it, I decided it was good enough to keep. But, since it was supposed to be a mockup, I didn’t finish the seams on the inside or preshrink the fabric. So basically, it shrunk and frayed a lot over the next few years.
    the uneven hem
     I cut it apart, removing the frayed seams, and sewed it together again. That made it smaller so it actually fit me, but because of how the pieces shrunk, the hem was all uneven, and it wasn’t long enough. All of that is past mending. This time, I cut the hem to be even, added more fabric to the hem to lengthen it, shortened the sleeves, and changed the neckline. That fixed the structural problems. I may change the neckline again, though. Then I decided to make it fancy and more medieval looking.
    hand-sewn sleeve hem
     I handsewed the new hem on the sleeves with  linen/silk yarn. Then I got crazy and decided to do a chainstitch with the same yarn, along bottom hem. So that’s what I’m doing now.
  4. Fixing a vintage dress. I’ll probably give this its own post, so here’s a teaser photo.
    vintage dress closeup
  5. A script. I’m so close to finishing it.

    I’ve told myself that same thing, dozens of times over the last (embarrassingly) at least 10 years, but this time, the script is the least sucky it’s ever been! I mean when you write the first draft in junior high school, the only way to go is up, right? Seriously though, I think I’m almost done. Just need to resist the urge to keep revising. I need to finish this damn thing.
  6. Current tablet weaving project. Made of wool. It’s about 1″ wide, and will probably end up around 120″ long. I’m going to sell it. Which is an optimistic way of saying: I’m going to put it up for sale, and maybe it will sell.
    tablet weaving project

Now, dear readers, it is your turn to tell us what you are working on.

Posted in What Am I DOING? | Tagged , , , , , | 10 Comments

Floozy Finds: Little Lady Lingerie

Posted on September 19, 2011 by TheCottonFloozy

Floozy Finds - The Cotton Floozy reveals Utah County craft culture

For the special launch of our new site Happy Valley Crafters, I decided not to break a bottle of champagne across the bow of my laptop, but instead schlepped my way to Provo, Utah, capital of Utah County and spawning ground of The Osmonds. I had my camera in hand, natch, and was feeling a little bit Private Eye. (Weird tangent: I want to become a private investigator! Yes, I am serious! I have an ‘in.’ I know a guy who knows a guy!)

Stay with me, people.

So there I was, in Provo, thinking about how I was going to score the best photos for HVC. Something quirky. Something funny. Something that you would only find in Utah County. For awhile I thought about herding a bunch of Utah County Ladies to get a great butt shot of all their blinged-out white-stitched Buckle jean rears, butt that oddly did not seem practical. Also, I did not have free smoothies to bribe them with. Instead I found myself drawn to the Utah crafter mothership: The Quilted Bear.

Now, I have a serious fondness for the Quilted Bear. And I support local artists who make things and sell them for diddly. These people rawk! I am totally going to contact some of them and interview them and spotlight them and not make them at all feel uncomfortable! And now having said that, there is some real crazy shiz at the Quilted Bear.

Behold! LITTLE LADY LINGERIE.

WTF?

WTF?

Okay, I get that some people want to harken back to an innocent time of boudoirs and children in silky sleepwear, but come on!

The entire booth of Little Lady Lingerie

The entire booth of Little Lady Lingerie

I also understand the temptation of naming your store alliteratively. For example: for awhile I was considering calling myself The Cotton Confabulating Consort, but it was too much of a mouthful.

You will note that the right side of the booth has a rack (‘has a rack’ hahaha!) full of lingerie for sizes Luvs Size 4 to Still-Bed-Wetting.

For the little ladiez.

Utah boudoir for the little ladiez.

But if you seductively cast your eyes leftward you will see a rack full of larger (tallish? more mature?) lingerie.

For the larger ladiez.

Utah boudoir for the larger ladiez.

I mean, these are not little! These would fit me! Or a teenage girl! Is that the point?! Creeeepy.

Oh Mister Floozy! Step into my chambers! I have a surprise for you!

Oh Mister Floozy! Step into my chambers! I have a surprise for you!

And you know what makes all of this so perfect? Little Lady Lingerie even has custom doll lingerie. For your doll. For you to dress your doll in to match your own lingerie. That you are wearing. When you climb into bed. At night. In lingerie. With your doll.

Shall I call you, 'Daddy?' or 'Pa?

Shall I call you, 'Daddy?' or 'Pa?

Posted in Floozy FInds | Tagged , , , , , | 11 Comments

Try Roasting a Rib This Way

Posted on September 16, 2011 by Dame Toadstool

Vintage Happy Valley banner

Let’s play a game: find 5 bizarre things in this vintage newspaper cooking tip! My notes are below once you’ve picked some out or if you’re feeling lazy.

try roasting a rib this way - 1937 article in Springville HeraldLet’s start with the photo, then dig into the meat of the article (do you see what I did there?).

  1. There are 3 doors visible on this oven and 3 more that are implied on the bottom. You know, with which the average homemaker would use to bake, broil, braise, bain-marie, baste and burn in style.
  2. You noticed “achieve tenderness and avoid shrinkage” too, right?
  3. The verb “repose;” specifically its fancy use next to “roast” as a subject. AND the proper grammar (“an oven rack on which the roast reposes” instead of “an oven rack which the roast reposes on“). In modern times, this is how I, as a fancy cooking-tip writer, would put the whole sentence: “Should your crappy-ass gas range that came with the house (which you’ve been too cheap to replace just yet) have a special type of drawer at the bottom—where you find it convenient to keep your pans and secret chocolate stash, which you should remove BEFORE turning anything on—congratulations, you have a broiler. It’s passé, but can still be useful if you are in the mood to upcycle a cheap hunk of meat before it fully spoils. To use, place the meat on the original wire rack that hopefully you can still find, and be sure to place a cheap, rusty pan underneath to catch the drippings while you repose with a glass or two of wine during which time the roast will burn and you will end up ordering pizza for dinner. Voilá!”
  4. COVERS ARE THE DEVIL
  5. Is it just me, or is that rib the same size as the one that tips over Fred Flintstone’s car during the opening sequence?

And a bizarre bonus: the headline. “Try Roasting a Rib This Way” just sounds like a phrase with many applications. At the very least, it could be a passive-aggressive one-upmanship. For example, let’s that that you’re at a social gathering and people are complimenting your frenemy’s cooking. She’s gloating in the attention and says something that makes everyone’s eyes roll back into their skull, like “Oh, it’s just a simple trick involving blanched grapes and sautéed clam whiskers that I had air-lifted in from Tasmania…” Well, you just give a little huff at the right moment and say “Try roasting a rib that way,” and the other people will laugh, successfully diverting their attention to your cleverness and away from that incorrigible hoeface. Try it, and let me know how it goes.

I’d also like to know what else you may have found amusing in this little gem from 1937, recovered from obscurity in the local newspaper archives.

Thanks for playing!

Posted in Vintage Happy Valley | Tagged , , , , | 8 Comments

Vintage Happy Valley: Feminine Hygiene in 1934

Posted on September 13, 2011 by Dame Toadstool

Vintage Happy Valley banner

Last year, as part of my research for a course at Utah Valley University, I started digging through archives of my city’s local newspaper, The Springville Herald.* A local weekly paper has been around since 1891, but nothing is available digitally—only the original yellowing papers bound in large volumes and on microfilm.**  I spent a lot of time over the course of two semesters huddled over large, open volumes in the tiny, leaking library (a new one is being built and will finally open in about 6 weeks… I can’t wait) taking photos of relevant articles for documentation.

It was a time-intensive process; I had to scan each headline with my very own eyeballs to look for keywords. Aside from making me REALLY appreciate our modern age of search engines and optical character recognition technology, it was an incredible experience to immerse myself in the past through the actual language and imagery that Springville residents consumed in their time. I also found myself analyzing their society and everyday culture as a benchmark for understanding how Utah Valley came to be so special in modern times.

I took photos of strange and curious articles and advertisements alongside my other research because I couldn’t help it. They were too funny, too strange, too outlandish. I had to rescue them from obscurity and I knew I would have to share them with someone who would appreciate them the way I did.

The idea for Happy Valley Crafters was born in the yellowed pages of 1934 with this small advertisement:

1934 ad: SERVEX in powder or jelly for FEMININE HYGIENE

I am hoping that readers of Happy Valley Crafters will help me answer a nagging question I have regarding this ad: what the hell is SERVEX? It comes in powder or jelly form. Does it treat yeast infections? Is it a contraceptive? A lubricant? A cleanser? Does it prevent chafing? Is it a chemical depilatory? 1934, you need to be more concise. “Feminine hygiene” is a clue that it’s for my vaginal region, right? Oh, sorry, I forgot that you don’t know that word yet. Can I say “lower lady lips?” Is that how I should talk about this powder or jelly with my doctor or with the local druggist who also serves me fountain sodas? I am not a delicate lady and I need these things spelled out for me.

Thank you in advance for any insight or opinions that you share in the comments below. I am perplexed and amused by the complete avoidance of product description in this ad.

And I look forward to bringing you many more curious gems in this column entitled Vintage Happy Valley!

* The Springville Herald was independently owned until 2003, when the Daily Herald (a daily newspaper serving Utah Valley that is owned by one of the national newspaper corporations) acquired it. I enjoyed receiving the slim weekly newspaper because it focused on really local news, but it was “integrated” with the Daily Herald in January 2011 which basically meant that Springville’s interesting/charming local news was dumped. I was delighted when some of the former Springville Herald employees started up a new local, independent paper called Springville Independent News*** in June 2011. It’s even printed in Springville! That’s the kind of paper I want delivered to my door (or mailbox, as the case may be). I’ll read everything else online, thankyouverymuch.

**I was really annoyed with the inconvenience of not being able to do research from home in my pajamas, not to mention the other limitations:

  • Original newspaper archives cannot be checked out (not surprising, but still inconvenient)
  • Limited library hours (it’s open until 10-9 Mo-Thu, but it closes at 6pm on Fridays and at 4pm on Saturdays, and is infuriatingly closed year-round on Sundays)
  • No microfilm readers in the library – the librarian said that I could take them to the local LDS family history center and should be allowed to use theirs… my mind is still popping a little with this)
  • An alarming number of the library staff  A) had no idea that the library even had newspaper archives  B) didn’t know where they were located or C) didn’t know what the viewing/checkout policy was. I had to essplain it to them since apparently I’m the only person, ever, who showed any interest in old newspapers.

***If you live in Springville or Mapleton, please consider subscribing. This is not a paid endoresement – I just want this little paper to survive. It’s only 50¢ per week!

Posted in Vintage Happy Valley | Tagged , , , | 12 Comments

Utah Valley: OMGWTFBBQBACON

Posted on September 9, 2011 by Dame Toadstool

Dear Utah Valley,

I grew up in Ohio and have lived here for 6 years now. I love the climate and the astounding natural beauty that exists everywhere (except where it’s ruined by humanity along the I-15 corridor). It even brings me comfort now to look out into the valley at all the houses painted the same shade of taupe and all the churches built from the same blueprints. The people here are generally nice, unless they’re driving, and I’ve made some seriously awesome friends out here. I can honestly say that it’s a nice place to live.

But oh, Utah Valley, though I’ve grown accustomed to your quirks, you can still baffle me on most days. I find your lack of coffee shops astounding and am still huffily inconvenienced that most stores are closed on Sunday. I wish I didn’t have to feel like a skeezy “other” when I wear a sleeveless shirt or sit on my porch drinking fine wine from a box that had to be purchased from a state-run liquor store. And I wonder what the real story is behind local oddities such as this:

These beverages contain alcohol, please read the label carefully

Did a manager at this Walmart in Springville have reason to believe that his or her customers really didn’t know that Budweiser and Bud Light were alcoholic beverages? If this sign were anywhere else in the world, I would assume it was a joke about the low alcohol content. But no, not here.

While weaker people might move back to their crazy liberal home states (like Ohio) when faced with your interesting societal challenges, Utah Valley, I am strong and I am stubborn. I will take my emotional reactions and I will DO something. Something daring, something reasonable… maybe even therapeutic. Like cross stitch. I call it art.

You may call it Dame Toadstool’s Dystopian Pig-Flavored Aestheticism.

Dame Toadstool's OMGWTFBBQBACON cross stitch

Sincerely,

Dame Toadstool

Posted in Oh My Heck | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments